Social commentator speaks out
Nip and Tuck
Beauty comes from the inside, my mother told me. “Smiling is the best face lift,” she said. Wrong. I love my life. But smiling hasn’t taken the bags under my eyes overseas. Call me Judas for betraying my “natural ageing” beliefs, but I’m asking myself: To nip or not to nip. To betray one’s beliefs or look like a train wreck, the new computer or the new face? That is the question.
Share your views and experiences of cosmetic work and plastic surgery with me.
From today’s The Australian
“ONE day it will happen to you,” my readers used to warn me years ago as I lambasted Botox with such vitriol that I had plastic surgeons writing me hate-mail and readers saying, “Just wait!”
I wasn’t afraid of ageing. I’m part of the “healthy-ageing” movement, as opposed to anti-ageing; I’m with the leading scientists and doctors around the world who abhor surgery and artifice and do research to help us achieve longevity rather than using chemicals and surgery to redress nature’s work.
I was twice a speaker at the International Conference on Healthy Ageing and Longevity and have been happily committed to eating blueberries and red grapes to boost the body’s resveratrol and DHEA reserves, and to standing on my head in yoga positions, toning the skin and the thyroid.
But readers, it happened to me! Recently I started noticing bags around my eyes. Having had successful laser surgery for my short-sightedness six months before, I figured that the puffiness was related. My wonderful eye doctor, Dr Ilan Sebban, explained that it wasn’t and sent me upstairs to a colleague to confirm. She was, I then realised, a plastic surgeon. Cont…
Related Coverage
The cost is exorbitant and many procedures require regular revisits. But that hasn’t stopped consumers. Australians spend $1 billion a year on cosmetic enhancements, according to this year’s medical Cosmetex conference. Our industry grew by 10-20 per cent last year.
In the spirit of healthy ageing, I recently went back to university – to follow my creative passions so I could FEEL fabulous. Beauty comes from the inside, my mother told me. “Smiling is the best facelift,” she said.
Wrong. I love my new life. But smiling hasn’t taken the bags under my eyes overseas. Call me Judas but I’m asking myself: to nip or not to nip? To betray one’s beliefs or look like a train wreck? The new computer or the new face? Admissions, experiences and points of view dearly wanted on my blog, and you can post under a pseudonym.
POST COMMENTS BELOW!
-
-
-
#2 written by Ruth Ostrow 1 year ago
-
-
Hi Ruth,
Wow that last story #82 brought a tear. All the comments are great, for and against. I’m nearly 59 and “need” neck work. The rest of me I can live with but the ugly neck gets to me every time I see it. Alas I can’t afford the procedure but if I had $ to spare I would consider it. However we all read of the ‘failed’ procedures and the awful botch ups and that scares me. I think you will go ahead with it as it is causing you grief. My advice is to research the product/procedure well and good luck in choosing your surgeon. They are all human after all and are not Gods tho that is how we often view them. -
Hi Ruth, I have never written to you before even thou I read your articles each weekend. Your article Nip and Tuck hit home. This is the year I turn 50 and I watch my face and body change – but I am CEO of a youth organisation so I am reminded daily of my impending date with the BIG 5..0! This week I have had a young university student quite blantantly refer to me as irrelevant in the youth scene – while they welcome “elders” from various cultures, both and men and women, who have an important place in tradtional culture, I am simply old and therefore of no benefit. Instead of being angry I laughed .. and as I laughed I thought of all the thinsg I had done since I was 23. Slept in a tent under the Berlin wall, crossed borders that no longer exist, driven a 4 wheel drive across parts of remote Africa, raised two children, taught 1000 of students, many of whom keep in contact, stood in front of UN delegations and talked of child rights to a safe environment … loved and lost, and all those things that make my life a rich tapestry of experiences… it made every grey hair, very hair on my chin, every wrinkle 100% worth it. This week I pondered your article, I too have contemplated the bags under my eyes, the moving flesh – I even had a bloody breast scan and they put Pokemon bandaides on my “sagging nipples” because they were casting a shadow on the x ray – imagine the humiliation! Then yesterday I was driving in the country on some field work and as I was coming home through the forest a passed a young indigenous girl on the side of the road with a very small child. Walking alone heading toward the city – 80km away. I went past her at 110km on a busy 4 lane country highway. As I flashed past all those fears came flashing through my brain.. who was she.. why was she there ? Then because I am a woman, a mother, an experienced traveller I pulled over, turned back and tooted my hoon for her to get in. She was immensley relieved, she cried and told me her story. We travelled together and we laughed and shared our stories. We exchanged numbers and I will meet her again soon in another country town where I happen to work. At the end of the ride she hugged me and cried again. She said” Hundreds of cars passed me.. I was afraid that no one would stop..my son was tired, we had already walked a long way. Thankyou so much, I will never forget your kindness.” As I drove off I looked in the mirror to see her family greet her and I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror, with the wrinkles and the hairs on my chin .. and I laughed. I love who I have become and this age brings new wisdom each day. Maybe I can learn to live with these changes and be wiser for it. I am who I am. I am not thirty, or twenty or even forty anymore. Bring it on.
-
My mother, who is in her mid 70′s, has been having nips and tucks, botox and implants for the past 20 years. She stopped doing it suddenly as it no longer made sense. Why? Because her only grandchild, my daughter, was killed in a train accident in January this year. She was nine and half years old and trying to get a torch from the tracks. Priorities change overnight when you really understand what is important in life. My suggestion to you, Ruth. Every time you want to have a little work done on your face, find out the cost and then put that money away in a savings account for someone who will benefit. When you see the smile of their face from the gift or think about what you are doing to make a difference to someone’s life, your face will light up like no botox smile could every give you. Hope you like my suggestion. Julia (47)
-
Well, said, # 78 Helen!
That is exactly how I feel – liberated from the tiresome struggle for perfection.
So Ruth, every time you feel tempted to botox or nip and tuck or liposuck – look at those awful pictures of those poor old girls whose treatment failed. It’s not worth the risk – look forward to liberation!
-
A lot of what I’m hearing sounds like middle aged adolescence. ” I wish my bum was smaller, my hair was straighter….” My goodness, wasn’t growing older meant to liberate us from this tiresome struggle for perfection; seems that a lack of self acceptance keeps some women awfully unhappy, and a lot of cosmetic businesses and surgeons awfully rich.
-
Hi Ruth, always enjoy your comment and think you have some great things to say, but so disappointed to read that you would actually consider the nip and tuck pathway. I am ageing, in my mid-forties, and every wrinkle and bag has been well-earned. I think older women look beautiful with all their wrinkles and the history in their faces, and when it’s wiped away, as seems to have been the case with Olivia Newton-John and Isabelle Allende, they look fake and all their natural beauty gone. Please make a stand for beauty not being restricted to the young and taut. I’m very saddened that this seems to be such a pressure, and saddened by the role models who succumb. It bodes poorly for the future for women. Consider also that there is a shortage of botox for sufferers of spina bifida because all the stocks are being used up to treat women’s superficial vanities.
-
Dare I quote the immortal Stan Lee – “With great power comes great responsibility”? You have an opportunity to age gracefully and to show the rest of us how un-scarey it is. Your mother is right and until now you, too have been instinctively right. Embrace those little lines because they are real. Be resolved to be you, not some plastic imitation of a shallow Hollywood role model. You be the role model for those thousands of increasingly younger Aussie girls who see plastic techniques as “normal”. Help to stem that lemming-like plunge into the plastic funeral pyre….and remember, nobody looks as closely at your face as you do. Step back from the mirror and get a realistic perspective, and in doing so you should also remember the sum total of who we are is not what we look like!
-
At 67 years of age whenever I look in the mirror I get a shock. Is that me? I don’t feel old but that is definitely an old face looking back at me. But it is MY face and so long as I can smile and feel young I will be staying well away from botox et al. Old fashioned soap and water and moisturiser is all I have time for anyway. The older I get the busier I get!
-
Your column hit home with me. Like you I always thought I would age naturally. At 60, I still do – no botox for me or any other form of cosmetic surgery, BUT those bags under my eyes are creating shadows. I look exhausted and sad and I am neither. So yes I am sorely tempted. Thanks for your honesty. What to do?
-
#16 written by Ruth Ostrow 1 year ago
I’m laughing Peter, people keep saying in a patronising voice Whaaaats Wronnnnng? You look so tired, you look Depressed! No I just have eye fat which has moved to the wrong place giving me dark creases and shadows. I know I am still an attractive woman. I’m not stupid nor vain. But if one more person tells me I don’t look well, I will scream.
-
-
I’m just into the phase of noticing fine lines around the eyes and mouth, so am not going to come accross all holier than thou, but I do want to draw attention to your looking “like a train wreck” comment – it is not a train wreck, it is normal ageing. Or at least it used to be.
It is interesting tho, how much time we spend/waste on “maintaining” our faces and bodies, with a complete awareness of the ridiculousness of it all, and of our own complicitness. People are funny (funny weird, and funny ha ha!) and often quite sad.
Interesting how this relates to your happiness project – would becoming complicit with the anti-ageing brigade increase or decrease your happiness, given your beliefs, or would your beliefs change to maintain your level of happiness?
-
Hi Ruth, Rachana here. How are you? I just chanced upon your recent column and thought it a good opportunity to reconnect. I also have what I think you will find to be useful input. I am having great results from a device called the EPower. Its fantastic. It rehydrates the skin. It actually increases the negative potential in the cells via a subtle yet powerful electrical charge. It’s totally safe and treats the whole body. I absolutely love it and have been using it for the past two years. You can see a demo on Utube re a face lift treatment. It really works. I’ve just been through a very challenging 2 years and the support of this energy medicine technology has been essential in enabling me to navigate very rocky events. We were burnt out in the 2009 fires and the fall out has been massive. Get back to me and we can chat further.
Love and blessings. -
Don’t do it Ruth!
Why give in to all the hype in our culture about the way people, particularly women, should look?
Try Qi Gong instead. I’m not joking. Meditation and qi gong will improve vitality and physical appearance in a better way than plastic surgeons.
I’m sure you look fine just as you are. Or would with a decent nights sleep! -
-
Dear Ruth , Cosmetic Medicine and minor cosmetic surgery can make a wonderful difference to peoples lives. I speak with experience , I am just starting work in this field , after working 12 years as a public hospital emergency doctor and GP . I was sceptical about doing any of this type of work, until a friend of mine bit the bullet and started to botox his friends and family with fantastic results . He now works full time in cosmetic medicine , and after spending a few days in his clinic learning techniques, Im going to do some training in this art .
OK , heres the positives from the doctors point of view – patients are ecstatic with their results from botox/fillers and minor procedures . The work is about making people happy , which is much different from the chronic illness / chronic pain that we see in general medicine .
It is about making someone ‘enjoy themselves’ again , creating confidence in patients , and restoring their youth .
In your article you mentioned ‘ costs are exorbitant ‘. I agree botox and fillers are expensive, but the cost to the doctor is $1600 per 3 ampoules of botox , so its understandable that is costs a few hundred to the patient to inject crows feet around the eyes , or their forehead .
Medicare covers most of the cost of blepharoplasties ( upper eyelid skin removal ) , but not anything else really .
If youre not happy with the results of injectables, well, botox wears off after 12 weeks, and fillers are dissolvable with hyaluronidases . With the care of a skilled cosmetic physician or plastic surgeon id say most patients have a fantastic result /improvement in their appearances !
I cant really comment on major work such as facelifts / threadlifts etc . as I dnt really have any experience with it , but for those who want something minor done I say go for it !-
#23 written by Ruth Ostrow 2 years ago
Thanks for the response, personally I think this sounds like an infomercial for botox, a product I still disapprove of despite my ponderings on nipping and tucking. But I take it in good grace that you seem committed to the cause, and so are only conveying the world the way that you see it — as we all do.
-
-
It is your choice, Ruth, but for myself I would never nip, tuck, botox or have any plastic surgery unless it is for functional reasons.
What is wrong with looking old? Why do we feel the need to look ‘other’ then what we are? What is the old saying? Oh yes, ‘my face I don’t mind it because I’m behind it, it is the person i am facing that gets the jar!!!’.
Go the computer, touch up your facebook page picture and have fun. (Just avoid those mirrors, nasty things!!). -
DON’T DO IT!!!!!!! Some wear and tear is perfectly acceptable. People who look sleep deprived and punched up usually are! The rest of us are NORMAL. I once had a very droll (male) friend describe beauty as ‘having regular features’. Give him credit, it’s pretty accurate (pardon the pun). Trust me Ruth, you definitely have Regular Features and their wearing and tearing just goes with the territory of not being 25 anymore and I ask you, who would want to be, truly? Not a bad trade off, I reckon
) -
You got to the nub of the issue: new face or new computer. I certainly have nothing but admiration for friends who achieve discreet results with fillers and surgery. It is a big investment and they have prioritised their appearance above other discretionary spending. They have also takent the risk, specially those who’ve gone under the knife. These holier than thou types may not have the means or the guts, and who are they to deny or begrudge any of us making our own choices. Having recently turned 57, I live daily with the temptation to “do some work”, but there are the opportunity costs. .. For the time-being I content myself with positive thinking: it is so great to be in good health and to have a functional body – and my wrinkles don’t hurt.
-
Hi Ruth,
I have two workmates both in their 50s; one who uses mascara to cover her grey regrowth if she’s skipped a hair appointment and the other has recently taken the plunge to stay grey. Guess which one has an abundance of confidence and which one does not? However, I was shocked to hear my silver workmate recount the negative comments from other female colleagues such as in passing: “there’s an example of a woman who has let herself go”. I think it’s up to you how you feel about which way you want to go – just remember that we can disproportionately focus on one feature we are not happy with and in the scheme of things nobody would have noticed until we’ve made a comment about it. If you get your eyes done, is it going to stop there?-
#28 written by Ruth Ostrow 2 years ago
Hi Tesa no it doesn’t stop does it. But then again I have been dyeing my hair for years now and it gets to the point where you know you are using so many artificial cosmetics anyway on your face and hair and skin, it is only a small step over to the dark side. I have a friend who had gone grey and stayed that way for a few years. In the end she put color back in – and yes she does look years younger. Does it matter? In the end its a personal choice.
-
-
Love your honesty… never say never hey. I think it is interesting that most women dont think twice about hair dyeing and teeth whitening, bit of lip gloss, control top pants, push up bras… the list goes on and ALL of these are to improve or enhance what we have. I’m 40 and breastfed my kids and do yoga and eat organic raw food and use my galvanic spa facial thingie with ageloc gel and and… yet I am feeling that IF i feel the need to do something I’ll do it. I do have concerns about how I would explain this to my daughter without her receiving the message that I dont love myself… and I think this would stop me from having anything MAJOR like a facelift but there are so many relatively less invasive procedures that can tweak this and that. Again, everyone has different boundaries I suppose but interesting how inflexible/ judgemental the so called “progressive, natural” women are.
-
Ruth, our faces are part of who we are. I know women in their 60′s & 70′s & 80′s who are beautiful – sure their faces are lined and they may even have bags under ther eyes, but the love and compassion & humour that they have carried all their lives has made them beautiful. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. Believe in yourself and recognise that the aging process is just that – part of the process of living this life, embrace it.
-
Its your choice. If you are at the stage where you don’t like what you see in the mirror, or even worse, avoid looking in the mirror because you just can’t look at yourself, then do something about it. I was that person. I recently had blethroplasty on my upper and lower eyelids to remove excess skin and fat from my lower lids. I am so happy with the result, I still look like me, but now have eyes that look bright and rested. I now feel confident looking in the mirror and enjoy wearing eye makeup. I am 47, I didnt have the surgery to look younger, I had it so I would feel better about myself, and it worked.
-
-
No, Ruth, NO! Don’t deface who you are.
Philosophers over the years have said that the only way to inner peace is to accept who you are now; to accept that you are the culmination of your own work, accept the beauty spots with the warts, and be content with you NOW. Today’s penchant for putting on a false face so that shallow people will love you is self-defeating. people you need to love you will do so regardless of how you look. Beauty – real beauty – is IN the eyes, not under them. You are a beautiful person. Know this, accept this, and it will show. -
This can be a difficult transition. We don’t have to dissappear though [probably my issue], We are gorgeous when we allow all that we have learned to flow through with just a hint of haughty dignity. From a good friend from Sweden, “We [men] learn to cook from old pots. ” I would love to renovate the facade but fear and finances hold me back. Love your honesty and bravery
-
I had prepared an entirely different post, however, many of the previous posts sum up my ideas – most succinctly and profoundly put by your Mum
. I am ten years younger than you and have followed your column for many years, particularly resonating throughout my 20′s when I was most deeply connected to my inner journey (and the most time to indulge). However, lately I have started to judge you as derailing from your original insights into the spirit and soul. It has seemed to me that you have instead been travelling more in the direction of collusion with the by-products of ugly capitalism. This column and discussion has given me much to think about in terms of opening my mind to where we each sit in our world at any given time (the only certainty is uncertainty!). Self-righteousness when judging others seems the easiest option, however in reality we are often the harshest judges of ourselves. Ruth, thank you for having the courage to express your vulnerabilities openly throughout your life journey and to challenge others to examine their own attitudes and fragilities more deeply. -
Cosmetic surgeons can do lots of amazing things but they can’t make us look young again. The loss of fresh youthfulness is as inevitable as all of life’s cycles. Tightening loose skin, rearranging fatty deposits may change our looks but nothing can bring back that intangible freshness of youth. Grieve the loss (and all that it represents) if it saddens you, choose surgery or chemicals if it helps the process. But we must be honest with ourselves–we always look our age. Our journey through life is too precious, too much a part of who we are, to be hidden so easily. Honour it.
-
Head over to your bookstore and order a copy of ‘Five Minute Facelift’ by Reinhold Benz! This is a collection of facial excercises which tone and strengthen the muscles that lie under, and are attached to the skin of your face. They only take about five minutes a day and keep the face firm. They hold turkey wattles and squirrel pouches at bay.
I have no objection to fine lines and the odd wrinkle; they add character to a face-far preferable to an expressionless botoxed mask, but I draw the line at sags and bags! !Whatever works for these, go for it if you can’t live with them, but for God’s sake, in moderation! and good old cucmber slices on the under-eye bags!
You look absolutely fine to me, anyway…
-
Hi Ruth,
I had the lower eye lift done when I was 25. No, I’m not a plastic surgery junky.
But I had the fat pad-sliding/puffy eye thing at 24 – apparently it happens early for some people. A genetic thing, apparently.
Anyway after about a year of angst, endless tubes of concealer and friends and strangers alike telling me how tired I looked, I took the plunge.
By the way I’m someone who has always hated and distrusted plastic surgery. I researched the process so much I could have performed it on someone else by the end. I was terrified I would end up as a before/after photo in Woman’s Day. I found a surgeon who specialised in eye surgery and whose credentials were second-to-none in my city.
Anyway, the whole thing was over in the blink of an eye (ha) and I was going out in less than a week.
Oh and my eyes were back to normal. To this day no one except my boyfriend at the time knows. I couldn’t believe how quick, simple and painless it was and how much I’d agonised over it.
So if you can afford it and the bags are bothering you enough for you to write a column on it – go for it.
Missy (a pseudonym), Brisbane, age 29. -
Hi Ruth! Lots of women read your column in the Weekend Australian so you are in a good position to point society in the right direction, in this case to encourage women to feel comfortable in their own bodies, without surgical intervention. We should not feel pressured by society into thinking we have to look younger than we really are. I’m fifty, getting a bit grey and baggy, but I’m a human being, alive, and content to be so!
-
-
Ruth. On further reflection, if the surgery will improve your column then go ahead and do it. I can’t see that that’s possible. I only know you through your column where your appearance doesn’t matter. That seems to me to be very good. I’m prepared to believe that you know best about the rest of you.
-
#47 written by Ruth Ostrow 2 years ago
-
-
Dear Ruth
Thankyou for asking our opinions! Here’s mine – a considered one, which has come from much the same kind of beliefs and thought processes as those you expressed in your column.
As I get older (and we are similar in age I think) and my perspective changes, much that I felt strongly about once kind of goes out the window. Such as how children should behave – many of my strong convictions on that subject changed when I mine did not measure up to my own sanctimonious standards of perfection!
On the subject of whether or not to live in my face as it disintegrates and people respond to me accordingly ….. well, while I realise that how I respond to myself is the most important thing the fact is, I do like to look good when I look in the mirror!
I’m thinking botox for those deep wrinkles between my eyes. I really am, and to hell with the consequences. I’m thinking (and I have acted on this one) HRT so I continue to feel great and vibrant and sexy and to hell with those consequences too.
So my considered advice to you Ruth, is the hell with it. Do what makes you feel vibrant and sexy and look good according to your own measure. Do it! Get the bags done! And take us all through the process with you.
Good luck!
Jane Grieve
Dalby, Queensland -
Ruth,
Lizette above is on the right track- avoid the mirror or at least be like me- never look at it with your reading glasses on!Get the body fit and well groomed and forget that mutton dressed up as lamb -nonsense.
It’s a bit like expensive clothes- from a blokes point of view – believe me – we instinctively know a good sort- no matter how she is dressed.
-
Honestly, self acceptance is the basic ritual of maturity. Why do we all worship at the altar of beauty? Do I miss my younger complexion and feel dismay at the lines that deepen on my face? Of course. Am I going to do anything about this 60+ body? No. I agree with previous comments – share the mega dollars spent on shallow endeavours with the many who desperate need them to simply survive. I really thought you were above all this Ruth.
-
Dear Ruth, be like Audrey Hepburn and age gracefully – what on earth is wrong about lines on the face/neck etc? just because youth is worshipped here do you have to do it too? Peer presure?
Value yourself and get your priorites straight – advice (solicited!) from a 75 year old with lotsa wrinkles, mum of 4, grandmum of many more!
-
Dear Ruth
When considering the road to embracing the nip and tuck, I see three major hurdles on the path.
1. The aging process is change; it is good, it is inevitable, embrace it.
2. Plastic surgery and botox do not make a woman look younger.
3. The amount of money such procedures cost, could change people’s lives.THE CHANGING FACE – Why don’t women alternatively accept the changing face of our lives and laugh at it. Be proud of our experiences and wear them softly, allowing ourselves to be exactly where we are in life today. We don’t have to go grey and blue rinse and wear tent dresses. We have the opportunity to develop a new standard view of the elegantly ageing woman in the 21st century, setting an intelligent example for our younger sisterhood and breaking the vicious cycle of expectation placed on us by the ultimate greed of the beauty industry. Be happy to look like you, not like her, and her, and a bit like her.
Or would we rather feel pressured to look like an army of blank faced wannabes?SORRY, BUT YOU STILL LOOK YOUR AGE – Injected and filled out faces just look like a weird ironed out version of themselves.
A woman’s experiences, pain, losses, loves and heartbreak are all in her eyes. In the depth of character you see when those eyes are looking out. No surgery can replace this human feature for the innocence and naivety seen only in the eyes of people under 28.
We all recognise altered faces when we see them, and we are left strangely unmoved and unconvinced of any successful shedding of the years.
If you were to start the nipping at the beginning of the aging process, a. When do you stop? and b. The discord between eyes and face becomes only more pronounced as time goes on.THE COST – Without wanting to sound like a preacher, get things in perspective and realise that the money thrown at such groundless and selfish procedures could seriously have a far more positive effect on actually saving lives in many scenarios around the world.
If you don’t like your bags, try the eye treatments that freeze and tighten the skin around the eye which I sampled once in a shopping centre and thought were too expensive and unnecessary to my life, but did seem to have a miraculous non permanent effect.
Spend the hundred or so dollars on that, give the rest of the money to a worthy cause, and see if the good you feel from the inside makes a difference to your outlook on what’s important and what is beautiful, and then comes shining through your happy self-accepting eyes.I encourage you to be your own beautiful as you age, not some universal mould of perfectionist beauty which we really do know, deep down, is a gift given to the few and is just not us.
Good luck
Meredith
just turned 50 -
Dear Ruth,
I hear you!! I have just turned 48 and it is confronting when you look in a mirror and start to see the aging process taking its toll on those once well loved assets. So my friend and I have a theory that it is actually better to STOP LOOKING IN MIRRORS, except when you are dressed to go out and you are looking fabulous! Also don’t look down, its a really bad perspective that only you ever see. After 40 there is not enough moisturiser in the world so carry moisturiser with you everywhere. You are such a wise woman as I have followed your commentaries on life over the years….and I think your mind and wit are assets that can never be bought in a plastic surgeons office! Go and look at some books depicting smiling, happy, wrinkly mature women from all over the world and remind yourself what true beauty is, and never betray your inner beliefs…they are the jewels in you life…not your face. -
As a man: ditto to Rod’s comments. Beauty is a dynamic thing which reflects the best of you at any age. When you start tinkering you have crossed a line and it is easy to just take it a little further…
As a medico: every procedure has risks associated, no matter how unlikely. I am a firm believer in only having procedures done which are absolutely necessary, where to NOT have something done would be a risk to your health. -
Hello again, old friend
But be warned. If you go ahead and look any younger than you do now, there is a very good chance, our friendship will also go under the knife. Think about all your girlfriends who decide to go with the flow of age and decide to let it sag, crease, puff out, wedge a bit, go grey, wear flannels to bed. How is a friendship meant to survive that nip and that tuck or two I ask you? Just make sure you make lots of new (young) friends at the surgeon’s waiting room.
One lady I saw today after she’d been to the hairdresser for four hours has the right attitude ,”Now I look 60, instead of 61,” she quipped. And for anyone who hasn’t seen ‘Ash Wednesday’, the movie with Liz Taylor, it’s a classic tale of not having a hope in hell of ever bringing back youth, no matter how beautiful a face can be made to look.
Just imagine us old ‘natural’ gals in a nursing home, playing rummy, and in you walk after your 10th lift, looking 85 instead of 88. Imagine the looks we’ll give you. Is it really worth it?
Come join us in our flannels. They’re really comfy.
-
Both the options you are contemplating (computer or new face) are self indulgent from a non-western, non-priviledged perspective. If you have that money to spare (and still have a working computer) send the money to International Women’s Development Agency [IWDA] for use with women whose needs are far more basic – clean water, freedom from hunger, violence, exploitation etc etc etc. Being a “good person” is far more worthy than having a “new face’.
-
-
#62 written by Ruth Ostrow 2 years ago
You are so sweet. I feel very blessed by yours, and Rod’s message. There is so much to feel inadequate about in this competitive world, i feel like I’ve only just gotten over the difficulties and fragilities of adolescence and now I’m dealing with the difficulties and fragilities of menopause
Funny how my teenage daughter and i are both going through the same thing — but her with the skin issues being of having too many hormones, and mine being of having not enough! -
-
-
All I can say Ruth is NO NO NO! I have been reading your columns for years and am quite a fan,(a little crush perhaps?) but have never commented. As a 48 year old guy who is getting more than his fair share of laughter lines I think that nothing looks lovelier than a beautiful woman ageing gracefully. Leave the smooth skin to the young and embrace the inevitable. I think many men out there will agree with me. Maturity is very alluring.
-
#67 written by Ruth Ostrow 2 years ago
Hi Alan and others, yes we are brainwashed. But I think the issue is HOW we age. I love lines on people, laugh lines, even grief lines. They are so human and are hard earned with every day we live. Its just that some of us don’t age well in certain parts and it isn’t just a matter of lines, its a matter of a goosey neck or a double chin and jowls for no other reason than there aren’t natural or rather “genetics” cheek bones to hold up that part of the face. Society is cruel and I see people all the time who would be better off with a tiny nip and tuck, not the whole plastic fantastic thing which is so dreadful, rather a subtle lift here or there to stop the worst of the sag. More opinions please?
-
-
I sympathise with your dilemma. It’s disconcerting to see changes which don’t seem to fit with the real you.
Plastic surgery or other less invasive procedures are tempting, but it usually results in a worked-on look, and also, shouldn’t we be celebrating rather than denying our years?
Something I have found which brings a subtle but noticeable improvement, is Facercise. Years ago my sister gave me a little book on Facercise by Carole Maggio- I was surprised and initially thought it was a joke. It wasn’t, but as she is my identical twin, how could I be offended?
The book itself has before and after photos of women who have practised facercise. Some of the photos seem plausible, some definitely not, including the face of the author, which looks surgically changed.
I have however, tried the exercises, and they do really work if you are quite diligent with them. I have become an expert at sneaking in some of the exercises as I wait at traffic lights. I hope I am an expert at it, but being seen doing them surely can’t be as bad as inspecting for, and removing, random facial hairs, and I have been guilty of that!
I do recommend trying these exercises. They work on the facial musculature, building strength and tone to achieve a firmer fuller look to the face, while increasing circulation and lymphatic drainage. The process works, just as working out other parts of the body improves underlying structure as well as appearance. If you look at people who give their faces regular, vigorous workouts, like opera singers, they usually have well muscled and defined faces.
Keep your own great face! If you let a surgeon cut into muscle and other tissue, it will achieve some changes, but the muscles won’t have done any work to get there, and will have been damaged in the process. -
I live in Perth have just read your article. I can’t believe you would give in to such a deceptive temptation. We are all tempted from time to time to try to avoid the obvious. I am a 74 year old who has resisted The wrinkles are obvious, face neck especially my legs and I hate them. Despite that pleny think I am only 60 +. ‘One tennis friend actually asked to see my driver’s licence to prove it’ You don’t really have puffy eyes, and no one else would notice them anyway ,your smile is what others see. A face isn’t about the skin it’s a reflection of what you are thinking to the truly perceptive.
-
This is ftom my Mum
Hi darling just read your article, as usual, very succinct and enjoyable. But am horrified and disappointed that you would consider, Fillers!!! Botox [poison]!! or just a nip and tuck. What a travesty to alter your expression and damage or worse your lovely face!! You look a decade younger anyway, and what does it matter!! A few lines and bags make you have character and softness [necessary for beauty and sweetness!!] also it can be dangerous.!! Do you want to look like Madonna, poor woman!! Why is this such a talking point. The world is in turmoil, people are getting injections and surgery for cancer and Motor Neuron diseases, please do not sucumb to the empty narcissism, and more FOR WHAT!!!!!!! My opinion is to listen to your dear Mother!!! and KEEP SMILING!!!!
-
I’m 45 and have no desire to look 25. I do however want to look the best I can. I’ve been getting botox and juvaderm for five years now, and I see a great surgeon who has a real anti freak looking policy and simply refuses to do anything he feels will not look natural and complimentary. I don’t have a frozen forehead and I don’t have duck lips. Expectations need to be realistic and you have to have a surgeon who will tell you when you are not being realistic. If we choose to take treatment, we need to have a common sense approach to what we have as a starting point and work from there. It is ludicrous to attempt to look like someone else. The choice for me to have botox and juvederm is my choice, that said, I do not judge anyone who chooses not to. We are all individuals and the decisions to proceed or not are very personal.
-
I have big bags under my eyes but otherwise my face is great- oh yeah a couple of lines round my mouth- as I have always worn a hat. I see women at work with their faces looking really stretched and fake from even the best surgeons. I am 49 and have children in their mid twenties. I don’t want to look like them. Don’t get sucked into thinking we are only as good as we look. It’s the dominant (white middle class male) discourse but it’s shallow rubbish.
-
Ha ha ha! I will go as far as using PMSL – at your comment of two years living with a teenage daughter is the same as 10 human years!!! Well my eldest is only 14 and in the course of just 40 minutes this morning he aged me 5 years… And he has two younger brothers…I am going to require carbon dating by the time they finish the teens years!
On the actual topic – I had a tummy tuck a few years back and don’t regret it for a second. Approaching 40 and now looking at the eyes wondering ‘what if….’ Its got nothing to do with how others perceive me – just how I feel. -
I know a male friend who had a neck lift. I was horrified. I don’t think men should do these sorts of things. When men start dyeing their hair that dreadful black or it goes that strange orange, I just feel sorry for them. I don’t think it looks good rather makes them look like they are desperate. Next step gold chain! Watch out.
-
#80 written by Ruth Ostrow 2 years ago
-
#81 written by Ruth Ostrow 2 years ago
In all honesty MM, I think the point is some people really do have good genetics and good bone structure, and they age better than others. If you have some eye wrinkles and smile wrinkles but have great cheek bones, then you are just going to look sexy and a bit of a cougar (or for men “Mature”) But if it all goes to putty, then it isn’t for the bone privileged to sneer. Or is it? More views please, especially after the story is published on line after midnight (and in The Weekend Australian Magazine tomorrow)
-
-
-
Which just goes to prove the belief I’ve had for a long time which is women don’t use current photos of themselves on websites. The woman who is in your photo up here looks young taut and terrific. Not a wrinkle on that peachy skin. So if you have bags under your eyes and are thinking of cosmetic work then how old is your photo? Or have you had it photoshopped?
-
#83 written by Ruth Ostrow 2 years ago
Hi Simple Simon, who not so simple
It is only a couple of years old but it did come from a professional photo shoot, and was shot in the most flattering light, and of course it isn’t a close up. No it wasn’t photoshopped. And all I can say is that two years living with a teenager daughter, is like ten human years.
-
-
Hey Ruth, I have had a bit of work on myself, but have chosen a psuedonym so no one knows its me. Actually it is such subtle work that no one has realised I’ve had it. I had some filler injected into the creases around my mouth, a small eye lift to take away the fat around the eye lids that were making it difficult for me to see, and a small nip n tuck around the chin. I feel great and look great, and all I can say is that people who are against it haven’t started ageing yet.
-
I’m a long time fan but I’m nervous to read this one. I thought you were a natural girl through and through. What about all those years in Byron Bay doing yoga, and telling us all about healthy ways to age “gracefully”? In one of your columns you wrote about losing girl friends to cancer. You said ageing is a privilege not a curse. I hope the column reinforces this and you are just using catchy headings.
- Comment Feed for this Post
Ruth, I have recently discovered your column and in reading the comments, I am actually shocked at how so many of them seem to almost attack you for even letting the thought enter your mind to do something about your bags under the eyes.
I am 50 and still look pretty good, however I have a very deep line between my eyes. I have gotten many comments from friends saying I look worried and worn out. I am a very health concious person and live really well taking very good care of myself. I have had a very small amount of botox to soften this line with great results. It has been My choice and it was done for Me not anyone else. I do not regret it.
I do not agree with all of the comments that say grow old gracefully and do nothing. letting your hair turn gray and stringy, wearing sloppy clothes because they are comfortable? not my idea of how I want to grow old gracefully.