Thongs get in the way

141 COMMENTS

• The Australian
• 12:00AM January 2, 2016
• 141 COMMENTS
• RUTH OSTROW
  

  @ostrowruth

  

False. The thing a lot of people do is bicker. I bet there would be one bout of good sex for every 10 arguments. Couples are often not used to spending that much time together without distractions. In addition, having to make endless small decisions, such as what to have for dinner, can make them snarky.

On a recent holiday in Bali, my dream of endless, fabulous sex was rudely interrupted by a thong. Thongus Interruptus.

Early in the piece there was lots of lovin’. But on day three a tragic incident. We’d packed the beach bag. For some unknown reason Mr Fabulous decided, while I was in the toilet, to take my thongs out of the bag. Fine if he’d told me. But I’m walking to the beach in my gym shoes, and now want to put on my thongs to walk across boiling hot sand. “Where are my thongs? I’m sure I packed them?”

“I took them out.”

“What? Huh? Why?”

“I was going to tell you but I forgot.”

“But why did you take them out?”

“They were heavy and sticking out.” (Translation: “I’m sick of always carrying the beach bag.”)

And there under the blue skies of paradise, both of us start singing the couple’s song: “You always … you never … why didn’t you … you are … you are not … I did … I did not …” And of course things are dragged up from 10 years ago.

Resulting Thongus Interruptus: sleeping with backs to each other for a couple of nights until a good ol’ laugh brought us back together. It was the argument we probably had to have to clear the rubbish from the year past. Which is a good thing.

Yes, many couples are loving and giggly, can’t take their hands off each other and attempt sex in the swimming pool (well, haven’t we all?). But there are just as many jaded couples who look utterly bored or irritated, especially in restaurants.

The thing to realise is that it’s normal to be cranky or to fight on holidays. Happy Ever After is a myth. The upset is compounded by thinking you’re the only ones in this festive season bickering or not having sex in the pool.

FOMO (fear of missing out) makes the frustration worse. But it helps to tackle unfinished relationship issues from 2015 and get hidden resentments out the way, to clear the air and start 2016 with a clean slate. So go for it hammer and thongs. Just as long as there’s some great make-up sex after.

141 COMMENTS REPUBLISHED FROM THE AUSTRALIAN NEWSPAPER

NEWEST | OLDEST | TOP COMMENTS
Right! said Fred
Right! said Fred JAN 5, 2016
I’ve always thought that having a thong on was an obstacle to sex 🙂

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Andrew
Andrew JAN 4, 2016
I love honk I’ll cancel and only read the afr.

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Andrew
Andrew JAN 4, 2016
If you people can’t play blush my light hearted comment

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Andrew
Andrew JAN 4, 2016
You can do without my business.

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Michael Hamilton
Michael Hamilton JAN 4, 2016
NEWS FLASH . . . . a boat load of asylum seeking thongs discovered off Chrsitmas Island – apparently they have had enough of “back to back” sleeping and “cold shoulder” between their owners at Bali. . .

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b
b JAN 4, 2016
What do people see in Bali? I have kilometres of sand and surf 500 metres away.

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arlys
arlys JAN 4, 2016
@b Same here.Went to Honolulu, came back to Gold Coast. What was I thinking?

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the plumber
the plumber JAN 4, 2016
@b no sharks

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Yvonne
Yvonne JAN 4, 2016
@arlys @b Honolulu – Gold Coast x10?

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David
David JAN 4, 2016
@b Bali is not a place for sex…It is a place where people get sick. Everyone I know who goes ends up with some stomach bug. If you want a sexy, romantic holiday, think about a beach resort in Australia…with or without thongs.

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james
james JAN 4, 2016
Great laugh- put the SOH (sense of humour for those of you without it) back in your lives, it is a fun piece, but I can see the worry lines appearing on those who have realised what a bunch of prudes you really are

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Colin
Colin JAN 4, 2016
Don’t know about Bali, hot sand and thongs. Would rather snow, hot fire, aged Shiraz and a crystal chandelier to swing from.

FLAGSHARE7Right! said FredJo-nathanYvonnePeterLIKEREPLY
Steve
Steve JAN 4, 2016
Can’t believe there are 117 comments ?

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Yvonne
Yvonne JAN 4, 2016
@Steve It’s the silly season. Bit of fun doesn’t go astray

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Rebecca
Rebecca JAN 4, 2016
The difficulty I am having is with the comment that “they were heavy…” Can’t imagine what size the author wears to make that an important factor. How much do thongs weigh!!!

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Niels
Niels JAN 4, 2016
I don’t get the indignation by the majority of posters. Ruthy’s telling us, well gloating actually, that she is getting a bit. Good for her.

A fun article, sadly lacking in the sordid detail which the vicarious amongst us seek.

Meanwhile, the rest of us can only dream about having an actual holiday, let alone even daring to imagine what holiday sex might entail.
FLAGSHARE7PeterNadaStephenJasonLIKEREPLY
Roger
Roger JAN 4, 2016
Called them scuffs as kids but maybe it was strictly a Darwin thing?

Forget this divorced lot of sad sacks Ruth.
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Dorothy
Dorothy JAN 3, 2016
Hey Ruth. We don’t rely on you for relationship, sexual or holiday advice! Just as well, really, after reading this offering. This cheap little piece does not belong in The Australian and it does not reflect your talent or the position you hold in the community.

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Mark2
Mark2 JAN 3, 2016
@Dorothy I thought it reflected her position and talent quite well.

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Maurice
Maurice JAN 3, 2016
@Dorothy Oh bleeding hell, it is a light-hearted puff-piece. Smile (or not, in your case) and move on.

FLAGSHARE13Right! said FredYvonneJohannaRussLIKEREPLY
Trevor
Trevor JAN 4, 2016
@Dorothy Which positions did she mention? Must have missed that part!

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Right! said Fred
Right! said Fred JAN 5, 2016
@Dorothy lighten up, a smile can do you wonders.

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Daniel
Daniel JAN 3, 2016
Not sure why anyone would want to go to Bali.

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Yvonne
Yvonne JAN 4, 2016
@Daniel Yep agree – ruined, sadly, by Australians on holiday

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John
John JAN 3, 2016
You call your partner Mr Fabulous and expect to be taken seriously?

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Teddy
Teddy JAN 4, 2016
Tongue. Meet cheek.

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Cedric
Cedric JAN 3, 2016
Thank you for your light-hearted, political free, Malcolm Turnbull free, Tony Abbott free article.

And it’s hard to believe that the friendly people from the land down under can come up with such grumpy posts.
FLAGSHARE14Right! said FredphillipPeterTonyLIKEREPLY
Andrew
Andrew JAN 3, 2016
Groan. Ruth. Sex. Bali…..down hill run. Is the Oz trying to replicate The Age? ‘Ten best things to do with your wobbly bits’ and similar erudite offerings. My advice Ruth. Stay oh holidays.

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JasonJ
JasonJ JAN 3, 2016
I would have thought there would have been an endless argument over why you settled on an armpit such as Bali to take a holiday

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Russ
Russ JAN 3, 2016
Wow the sad sacks are out in force today.

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andrew
andrew JAN 3, 2016
Over a pair of thongs…????

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Kevin
Kevin JAN 3, 2016
Few years back at Gold Coast holiday apartment in large complex owned by my Canberra football club wife

informed me female sunbaking alongside massive landscaped swimming pool wearing nothing but a thong.

Rushed out looking for skinny dipping female wearing only a thong. Unsuccessful. Laughs her head off and tells me

its some sort of micro mini swimsuit.

Must be something about holidays and thongs after all.

Too long ago to remember if contents this story was relevant to me or not now.

KunnamullaKevin………………
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Gary
Gary JAN 3, 2016
Love the article. Hate some of the PC comments. Indicates loss of intellectual acumen along with sense of humour.

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Stephen
Stephen JAN 3, 2016
I have not read this article, just the headline. I merely want to let the Australian know that articles like this are just disgraceful. Subscription decisions…

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xned
xned JAN 3, 2016
Yes stories about thongs are repulsive

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Steven
Steven JAN 3, 2016
@Stephen Should not just a book by its cover, so what is your profession?

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Richard
Richard JAN 3, 2016
@Stephen No good sex with this attitude.

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Gary
Gary JAN 3, 2016
Sound like an easy decision for you. Witty and sexy – unsubscribe; boring and head in sand – subscribe.

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JasonJ
JasonJ JAN 3, 2016
@Stephen Just say a prayer and take a long nap

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Peter
Peter JAN 4, 2016
Stephen I find it extraordinary that you would bother to comment on an article that you refused to read.

Pietro
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Yvonne
Yvonne JAN 4, 2016
@Stephen Oh come on! A little light-hearted fun. Sex is fun – and good for the soul

FLAGSHARE1Right! said FredLIKEREPLY
Peter
Peter JAN 3, 2016
Strewth Ruth! Carry your own beach bag next time. It’s called equality!

FLAGSHARE33phillipJohannaPeternicholasLIKEREPLY
Tony
Tony JAN 3, 2016
It all really started when Ruth didn’t wear the thongs to the beach in the first place.

FLAGSHARE4CarolMike133Tom SDorothyLIKEREPLY
The Doc H
The Doc H JAN 3, 2016
Ruth seems to think she invented sex in 2105 – rubbish of course because my lady and I invented it in 1962.

Of course it’s meant to be private and something to be reminisced about to ourselves.

Mind you – the incident on the deserted coral island beach when an incoming tourist flight to the island across the lagoon came right in over our heads is something we can now chuckle about in our mature years……………………..!
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Dorothy
Dorothy JAN 3, 2016
@The Doc H

Boasting a bit, Doc?
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Mouse
Mouse JAN 3, 2016
@The Doc H Geez Doc, you is sure spritely to remember all the fine details all the way back to 1962!!!! LOL ;o)

FLAGSHARE3Right! said FredphillipNadaLIKEREPLY
James
James JAN 3, 2016
Gosh, the Fun Police are out in force today. Looks like the Christmas cheer has worn off quick. Or maybe it never reached some.

Enjoyable article Ruth. Keep them coming.

James, Badgebup
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Madeleine
Madeleine JAN 3, 2016
James, I’m shocked! Not by the article but by tmost of the comments here. What is wrong with these people?

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DES
DES JAN 3, 2016
Rather have a cold beer and a ham sandwich any day.

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Ginny
Ginny JAN 3, 2016
I didn’t think (Rudd media adviser) Annie O’Rourke’s lengthy piece in the ABC’s The Drum about having a hundred bucks stolen out of her wallet when she was on holidays would ever be topped for narcissism – but RO is sure giving Annie a run for her money!

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Wayne
Wayne JAN 3, 2016
@Ginny I’m actually a bit surprised that Ruth is still alive. Good to see the old dear can still bang out some holiday season filler ..

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Ian
Ian JAN 3, 2016
Sex in the pool doesn’t work. It’s a myth. The mucous gets washed away!

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Iain
Iain JAN 3, 2016
@Ian Yuk!

FLAGSHARE5NadaNeridaTom SDorothyLIKEREPLY
paul
paul JAN 3, 2016
@Ian yeah, but it’s one of those things you’ve just gotta try …

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Mike133
Mike133 JAN 3, 2016
@Ian Now there’s a million dollar idea….. water resistant mucous.

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Chris
Chris JAN 3, 2016
@Mike133 @Ian Try Vas.

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Dave Wane
Dave Wane JAN 3, 2016
@Ian Yeah, it can happen like that. But it can still be good.

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Brian
Brian JAN 3, 2016
@Ian In the surf’s more fun.
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Cedric
Cedric JAN 3, 2016
@Dave Wane @Ian

Nonsense! You’ve got to go hammer and tongs at it to keep the mucus coming.

So to speak. Besides, how conspicuous would it be to enter the swimming pool while holding your lady’s hand in your one hand a bottle of Vaseline in the other?
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Mike133
Mike133 JAN 3, 2016
@Brian @Ian C’mon….the sand, the salt and foreplay can be perilous.

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Laura
Laura JAN 4, 2016
@Ian Too much info !

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paul
paul JAN 3, 2016
mmm, apologies to Shakespeare:

To thong, or not to thong-that is the question:

Is it nobler in the mind to suffer

The burning of feet on hot sand

Or to take umbrage at he who has discarded them

And in opposing him, to sleep

Back to back for days

Until another amusement ariseth

That the flesh is responsive to …
FLAGSHARE14GeoffreyMichael HamiltonKayLauraLIKEREPLY
Iain
Iain JAN 3, 2016
Didn’t need to read this!

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Russell
Russell JAN 3, 2016
Neither did I.

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Aaron
Aaron JAN 4, 2016
@Russell so don’t.

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Steven
Steven JAN 3, 2016
Sex is a natural part of life – only times we tend to complain about it; is when are not getting enough of it. Because without sex their wouldn’t be a second generation.

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Justaboy
Justaboy JAN 3, 2016
@Steven THERE wouldn’t be a next generation perhaps ??

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Cedric
Cedric JAN 3, 2016
@Steven

Is that right??
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Melissa
Melissa JAN 3, 2016
Certainly not news and simply a tragic indictment of the writers life!

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Madeleine
Madeleine JAN 3, 2016
Too much information seems to be de rigueur. And it appears to be mainly females who practice this. Even when they tell you they are not into giving too much information and it’s only tacky celebrities who so indulge, these female bloggers and writers will give you way, way too much information.

Having said that, I thought the article and the writer were funny, brave and crazy all at the same time. And I thought it was a good article.

I do wonder however how the children of such writers feel?

I think the people below who disapproved of the article should consider that at least we’re not having to read or write about Malcolm Turnbull!? And that has to be a good thing!?
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peter
peter JAN 3, 2016
Practise..the verb

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Mike133
Mike133 JAN 3, 2016
@Charlotte I thought the article was funny, brave, crazy and downright STUPID!

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Madeleine
Madeleine JAN 3, 2016
Absolutely correct Peter! And me a such a grammar freak! ?

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Madeleine
Madeleine JAN 3, 2016
That’s okay Mike 133. We all have different opinions thank goodness. It would be awful if we all thought the same way! Just imagine if we all loved Kevin Rudd and Julia Gillard. ?

Or heaven forbid if we were all Malcolm Turnbull fans.?
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Mike133
Mike133 JAN 3, 2016
@CharlotteYou the lady!

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Madeleine
Madeleine JAN 3, 2016
Not sure what you mean by that Mike133. I’m sure it’s good. So thank you.

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Justaboy
Justaboy JAN 3, 2016
@Charlotte I know. We grammar freaks have to be even more vigilant

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Russ
Russ JAN 3, 2016
Well if they have brought up in a normal, loving family sans the nonsensical religious induced guilt about sex they would probably laugh.

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Mike133
Mike133 JAN 3, 2016
@Madeleine Indeed Madeleine it was a compliment, I enjoyed your response far more than this article.

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William
William JAN 4, 2016
Or Tony Abbott fans …

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Eckart
Eckart JAN 3, 2016
Is this thong in cheek?

Eckarts wife.
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Argus
Argus JAN 3, 2016
@Eckart No ; two thongs dont make a write!

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Madeleine
Madeleine JAN 3, 2016
Initially I thought the writer meant ‘thong’ as in the American ‘thong’ which is a G-String! ?

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Michael Hamilton
Michael Hamilton JAN 3, 2016
@Eckart

things that go thong during the night. . .
FLAGSHARE4NeridaRichardMike133MalcolmLIKEREPLY
Justaboy
Justaboy JAN 3, 2016
@Eckart Love this is my thong, here is my thong a therenade to you
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Cedric
Cedric JAN 3, 2016
@Justaboy @Eckart

Michael Hamilton and Justaboy, Both posts Excellent! Thank you
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David
David JAN 3, 2016
Thankyou Ruth, I enjoyed your insight on couples relationships. The grumpy comments you are receiving are from readers who must have perfect lives. The thong analogy is a lighthearted achronism for what marriage throws at us and I don’t think they got the gist and mirth of it. I did. And I live in Bali and I have had fights over thongs left home. Karen

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Keith
Keith JAN 3, 2016
@David Hope you made up for it.

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Madeleine
Madeleine JAN 3, 2016
I’m with you Karen! ?

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Argus
Argus JAN 3, 2016
@David

One does have to have a perfect life to be critical of prurient self-indulgent journalism. Furthermore the use of “achronism” [ dictionary definition ” a “state of timelessness; deficiency of time” (Oxford dictionary )] seems entirely inappropriate in the context quoted.
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David
David JAN 3, 2016
Angus, I am going to agree partly with you. A better word would be ‘metaphore’. The beautiful day here today in Bali must be adling my head. No thong disputes here today.

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William
William JAN 4, 2016
No, David – semaphore but metaphor.

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lindsay
lindsay JAN 3, 2016
Only read it because it had the words “Sex”and “thongs”in the heading.

How was I to know you wear thongs on your feet.

We play golf on our holidays.
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John
John JAN 3, 2016
It’s okay until ‘it’ wears out I guess.

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Peter
Peter JAN 3, 2016
Now you can claim the holiday on your tax.

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david
david JAN 3, 2016
Cheap tacky

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Madeleine
Madeleine JAN 3, 2016
Where’s your sense of humour, David? ?

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Paul
Paul JAN 4, 2016
@Madeleine perhaps he saves it for things that are funny?

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Eckart
Eckart JAN 3, 2016
Just looking at the comments below I am glad I did n’t bother to read this.The headline tells you all you need to know.l

Eckarts wife.
FLAGSHARE3MarilynBazza from BourkeArgusLIKEREPLY
Madeleine
Madeleine JAN 3, 2016
It’s a good article. You should read it. Perhaps the people who didn’t like it take themselves and life way too seriously. ?

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Peter
Peter JAN 3, 2016
Eckart, I can’t understand for the life of me why someone would bother to read the comments on an article they had nor bothered to read…wierd.

Pietro
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Russ
Russ JAN 3, 2016
And then comment..weirder

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Larry
Larry JAN 3, 2016
Well Ruth….a resounding “blah” from the readers. When are the journos back from holidays?

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Madeleine
Madeleine JAN 3, 2016
Nope disagree Larry.

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Bazza from Bourke
Bazza from Bourke JAN 3, 2016
More smug inner city latte sipping dribble – what is it with you lot ! I suspect rather than being affected by “Thongus interuptus”, that the malaise is more in line with non compos mentus !

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Paul
Paul JAN 3, 2016
Tell me editor, she did this piece for free?

I’ve been happily married for 27 years, three wonderful adult children and all I can say Ruth is, I feel sorry for you.
FLAGSHARE7NeridaMarilynBazza from BourkeBrianLIKEREPLY
Russ
Russ JAN 3, 2016
What deary bunch of sad sacks.

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Judith
Judith JAN 3, 2016
Why does everything you write revolve around sex?

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Keith
Keith JAN 3, 2016
@Judith When people boast about their exploits, it usually indicates that they are not any good in that field.

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Marilyn
Marilyn JAN 3, 2016
Hope you weren’t paid to write this Ms Ostrow.

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Ginny
Ginny JAN 3, 2016
A piece about Bali. And she describes the mislaying of a pair of thongs as a “tragic incident”. Good grief.

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Eli
Eli JAN 3, 2016
It would appear by this un newsworthy story that it must be a slow news day.

Did this paper actually pay you for this piece?
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Anne N
Anne N JAN 3, 2016
Perhaps Ruth and I come from different worlds.. Both have an Australia in them, but as sure as heck no way do I want to be in her world EVER!

In my world sex is private, between the man I love and me.. Never ever ever talk about that intimate special gift we can give each other. Why? Because it cheapens it. Another reason you do not make your sex life public is because that also not just cheapens the act of sex but can be the start of the end of a marriage..

That special bond between you and you hope your partner for life if talked about to a third party is the beginning of the end of the marriage. That’s right share talk of that special time with say your “second best friend” and your betraying your love.

Now as for sex in Bali, your headline is obviously meant to attract attention and sympathy for things not going exactly as planned.

Sure I have had sex in a pool, but one that I know we used to clean ourselves not one with maybe too much chlorine and one in a public holiday location where small and even large children would rather have that warm feeling around the tops of their legs than make a dash back to their rooms.

Even though I am not lucky enough to still be able to have sex, you Ruth might like to put yourself in my position as a widow of 8 years and consider your damn lucky to have that man in your life.. Next time you argue, make it a worth while argument, like who loves who the most and who can improve on showing it more than the other. Example how about you carry the beach bag some times?
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David
David JAN 3, 2016
Haven’t you got a bit of useless, made up gossip about Tony Abbott and his chief of staff or even a half an untruth about a Liberal politician to write about?

Seems all The Australian journos have time for these days – not Bali holidays with their partners.
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Rebecca
Rebecca JAN 3, 2016
rebecca’s rugby team says:

It’s quite odd that mature women like Ruth and Nikki and Bettina tend to tilt their heads rakishly to the right when presenting prurience. Is it a postural complication of experience like torticollis can be? Perhaps it is a readiness signal to males at large like smaller birds send. I must say it is movingly wistful and our team is becoming captive.
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Andrew
Andrew JAN 3, 2016
My partner and I call it the day 4 syndrome. The first couple of days all is bliss then day 3 tensions may mount but kept under wraps but if that happens watch out for day 4 explosives. The day 4 theory doesn’t just apply to partners but to anyone who is travelling together. Though the longer you have been with someone the lest likely a day 4 will occur as after years of being with each other there is no more pretence.

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Russ
Russ JAN 3, 2016
That’s just plain sad.

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Ian
Ian JAN 3, 2016
Gross. This is way too much information. None of us care about your selfishness, your marriage and we certainly don’t care about your sex life.

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John P
John P JAN 3, 2016
Speak for yourself.

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Russ
Russ JAN 3, 2016
You cared enough to comment.

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Ian
Ian JAN 4, 2016
Touché. Your genius knows no bounds. I commented because I care about the declining standards of this newspaper not the author’s silly first world woes.

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Brian
Brian JAN 3, 2016
Actually I can’t believe that I pay to read this rubbish.

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Brian
Brian JAN 3, 2016
I can’t believe you get paid for this rubbish.

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Michael
Michael JAN 3, 2016
Great article, Ruth. I’ve been married 45 years and can relate to precisely where you are coming from.

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Ginny
Ginny JAN 3, 2016
What an unspeakably banal piece of writing. Australian – why are you publishing this drivel?

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Stuart
Stuart JAN 3, 2016
Anyone that goes to Bali deserves a horrible time. Support terrorists…

FLAGSHARE4NeridaMike133EliDavidLIKEREPLY
Jason
Jason JAN 3, 2016
@Stuart Yeah . . . all those Hindu and Buddhist suicide bombers . . .

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David
David JAN 3, 2016
Don’t espout your ill informed views. Have a bloody good look in your own backyard, formally once called Australia.

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Russ
Russ JAN 3, 2016
What a truly stupid comment Stuart. Although you prove the point there is a downside to sex sometimes.

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Frank
Frank JAN 3, 2016
For a minute there I thought I was “reading” (looking at?) the Age.

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GBE
GBE JAN 3, 2016
I support her old man entirely, Women, and there are three in my house, never think a bag is full until 25% of the contents is sticking out the top.

Infuriating !!
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Peter
Peter JAN 3, 2016
If this is not unfunny crap , what is it

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Ken
Ken JAN 3, 2016
KC

I must be as mad as you Ruth, as I actually read this story.
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William
William JAN 3, 2016
Most of us, with the exception of the very young, understand the mechanics of marital bickering, so this piece is much more about Ruth justifying her having behaved like a spoilt, precious princess. I hope she humbly apologised for the three wasted days.

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Mike Ryan
Mike Ryan JAN 3, 2016
I wish I was you, Ruth. You get paid for writing this?

Life is good in 2016!
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Chris
Chris JAN 3, 2016
Western civilization is in a dire state.

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david
david JAN 3, 2016
There are somethings that the rest of the world does not need to know & this is one of them. I doubt that Bali or any other exotic holiday destination should be blamed for a lovers tiff.

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Brian
Brian JAN 3, 2016
“I like stories”

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Barb
Barb JAN 3, 2016
Good grief

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John
John JAN 3, 2016
Huh ?

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Charles J
Charles J JAN 3, 2016
Meh… Bali – pass.