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The selfie symptomatic of the rise of a nation of narcissists and signals Amageddon
- The Australian,
I WAS at a mountain retreat. The scenery was breathtaking. A group of teenagers came onto the timber deck and were blown away by the view. “Wow”, they gasped bringing out their mobiles. And then they started snapping their faces and each other’s, all making kissy-pouty lips and donkey ears with their fingers, hats pulled down over faces, breasts pushed forward.
The Facebook page would surely tell us they were at the Golden Mountain lookout and “it was awesome and amazing” but their heads and breasts would block any view.
It would easy to describe the behaviour as self-obsessed and exhibitionist. But the issue is more complex than that. And far more troubling. If one is to take the word of experts who are looking into the behaviour of young people, we are looking at a selfie-led Armageddon. The end of society as we know it. We are breeding a generation of potentially ruthless narcissists who might not develop empathetic centres in their brains. Lack of empathy is what causes much destructive and aberrant behaviour in our society.
It is a neurological crisis according to British scientist Susan Greenfield, professor of synaptic pharmacology at Lincoln College, Oxford. She believes that the prefrontal cortex, which governs empathy and compassion, needs social nourishment in order to grow and develop synaptic connections. This starts with the mother’s gaze, the incredible stare of love that stimulates the brain. It is further developed by gazing at, and with, other people through smiles, sneers, flushes and changing voice tone, expressions of grief, pain or anger. Greenfield even refers to pheromones, the smells we emit that give signals to others. Greenfield warns that the danger is that our technology-obsessed kids are no longer accustomed to the full range of messy experiences and meaningful human interactions. Social media and games are moulding children’s brains and we’re possibly looking at emotionally stunted kids. The selfie’s aim is to make people jealous or to prove you are having a fantastic time, or to get the likes because you are hot or fabulous. Hence expressions are only ever the pout, the grin, the laugh, the flirt, the display of body beautiful, photoshopped in 2D.
A recent gag on TV summed up the problem. A comedian is selling a new device that discreetly projects text messages from his mobile onto other people’s foreheads. “Now you can read your texts or tweets and your companion will think you are really interested in them!”
Technology and social media isn’t to blame. There are wonderful new usages being developed for kids. One example is the iCinema Centre at the University of NSW, a 3D cinematic surround dome, eventually to be made into a home or head unit. It’s technology that brings the entire world to students, history, interactive emotional experiences, takes you to mountain tops or streetscapes around the planet.
It’s what technology is being used for that is the issue: At the moment a lot of social media is about FOMO, “Fear Of Missing Out”, the teenage phenomenon described as “Anxiety caused by the fear that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on a social media website.”
“I’m have a better time than you” blares out from Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. But those same kids are envious of someone else, too.
I met a very concerned mother at a conference where I was speaking on self-image. “I don’t know what do to,” she said, desperately showing me Facebook selfies of her intelligent daughter who was studying to be a teacher at the time. The pretty girl’s page was filled with provocative images. In one shot she looked drunk, lying on her back with open legs. “I told her it would ruin her career. These images live forever. Who would hire her at a school seeing these?”
My daughter, 20, took me on a guided tour of some well-“liked” teenage Facebook pages. One young girl of about 16 had deliberately pulled her bum cheeks out of skin-tight pink shorts and was bending towards the camera. She was listed as a student at a reputable university. “See, she gets 1000 likes in ten minutes. That’s why she does it. It makes her feel special and wanted.”
Even pages filled with stimulating ideas and art and feminist rhetoric are littered with selfies. My daughter, who is a media student at university, says “Teenagers of today are an insecure generation growing up with these images all the time — the cult of celebrity and Kim Kardashian — and have to keep pushing the boundaries to compete, to get hits and likes.”
But where is self-acceptance? Where is female pride? “Guys need to look cool, too,” she says showing me arrogant-looking teenage boys parading their naked bodies. “If the skinny boy suddenly gets buff he gets ‘likes’ from girls and other boys.” The ascent of teenage bodybuilder and internet sensation Zyzz, whose chiselled body was revered in youth culture, was emblematic of this trend. But in 2011, at only 22, he died of a heart attack sparking a debate about alleged steroid use.
Statistics say five to 12 per cent of male high school students have used anabolic steroids by the time they are seniors. The president of the Australian Medical Association, Steve Hambleton recently said steroids come with this wish to attain the perfect body immediately. “We worry about our girls with body image but it is just as much young men we need to worry about now.”
Recently, a friend’s 17-year-old son said this gobsmacking sentence. “It’s hard to work out at the gym, all the girls want to touch my body because it’s so buff and shiny.” He is no himbo, he’s a deep-thinking, intelligent boy. So how does his brain get so pickled that he thinks it’s OK to say that?
The new world is not about savouring experiences. It seems to be measured in “likes”. Neuroscientists think this is a very serious dilemma. Firstly, it’s addictive behaviour. The reward centre is on overdrive as dopamine floods the brain. As with any drug, “likes” make the teenager feel happy. Without them he/she feels bad, worthless and desperate for another hit, at any cost.
Then there are brain development issues. Sydney therapist Jo Anne Baker says all kids have a touch of narcissism. “Adolescent narcissism is natural for survival. It’s natural to want to have the admiration of friends, and social acceptance. But this vanity is at an extreme. Once the brain is fully formed at around 23, if empathy and crucial social skills haven’t developed, the synapsis can become stunted.”
She says many kids are not maturing. They are not experiencing the world so much as looking for photo opportunities. They are losing the broader context.
“This is the generation who will be looking after us as we go into our twilight years. Are we breeding generations of narcissists who are going to be cold, indifferent, ill-equipped, and who will grow increasingly insensitive to each other and the planet?” It’s too early to know but it’s not alarmist to worry not just about our kids but a generation.
A lot of valid comments here in response to Ostrow’s thoughtful take on the issue. Yes, the problems highlighted are being found through the several generations of our current society. But it is our youth, with no other bearings than they have gleaned from selfish parents, appalling media like Big Brother etc, and the moral wastelands of school, who are most vulnerable. It is important to remember that they are suffering greatly. Their friendships are mostly superficial and utilitarian in nature. “Friends” will breezily and at a moments whim, abandon their ‘friend’ in the middle of the city at the latest of hours if they decide to change their plans. They will refuse to commit to any event or planned activity as FOMO dominates. Readers need to understand that very few young people are experiencing the friendship of those who would put themselves out for them, who would altruistically introduce them to potential partners, or promise to share in attending a concert that their friend was keen to go to. Most older readers could recall some proper friendships in their youth, and into their adult lives. Our youth really are quite lost.
Funny article to appear in the Oz. In the past when I have posted that selfies reflect a narcissistic and self-obsessed personality it never got published. It is also true that such behaviour is not the exclusive regime of the younger generation. About 25 years ago, I sat through two hours of slides of “This is us at…….”. Excruciating.
This country is obsessed with judging (thumbs up or down} and commenting which is an ego/control part of ones personality and narcissism fits in perfect with “look at me” and “judge me” and “what fun I am having”attitude and helping it is the ability to send info immediately. I am so glad I read books in my 20’s and learned these things so I didn’t turn out to be a self-absorbed a hole like these people (I am Generation X…1970). We had camera’s with film until 2000.
The abyss is beckoning and unstoppable. The political-left inspired and driven cultural revolution has destroyed the moral and social fabric of our once proud and robust western culture
@Brian Any excuse to bring your political stance into the picture.
The narcissism of the community….(sigh).
Doesnt every older generation worry about that in the younger generations.
What about some real news/commentary.
Fair point, narcissism and social media preening/self advertising can afflict all ages.
But the point is a new technology turbo charges this, and is the ultimate extension of ‘look at me’ consumer capitalism.
On the upside social media can be used for connectedness and empathy
@G1 Or is the empathy on social media seeming and not doing? Real empathy is developed by doing for others. Not writing a selfie billboard for social media.
@Malcolm Of course. But it’s a lot different now. As someone else said, it’s turbo charging the narcissism to an extreme, previously unseen degree.
@G1 Capitalism? Hardly, who would buy these stupid pictures etc. They are just for self-adoration.
I can only agree with the observations by Ruth Ostrow.
I have seen this narcisisstic behaviour everywhere and on FB sad really thatcwe have raised a generation of young people who are so obsessed with themselves and their need to prove they are having a better time than everyone else …. not by doing great things, not by helping others, not by being aware of social, political or any other issues…. Or indeed reading anything beyond a tweet….. But just by showing the world they are having a better time by being more beautiful/ desirable/ popular etc than their peers. Sad… Very sad.
It is not just youth who say “look at me”. The Twittersphere has been taken over by middle-aged journalists, politicians, and minor celebrities displaying their ‘buff and shiny’ intellect – Ruth included.
@john
Some might say, Ruth in particular.
I know a single mother aged about 40. She cannot tear herself away from her phone. Her kids are beginning teenage and they are almost as obnoxious as their mother. They have phones also. I’m limiting my exposure to this household.
Unfortunately it is also in the baby boomer generation as well. Narcissim, which most people have to some degree, is promoted as a default position. Self awareness or mindfulness should be taught at schools and parents should also participate!
@Andrew Baby Boomers? You mean people born from 1946-1964? I think you may have mistaken your generation names.
@Gary @Andrew I am a Baby Boomer but I’d not get too many likes if I bared myself on Facebook!
We see this in people these days the “Like” on Facebook is all consuming and they regard these people as friends even though they may not have met them in person. They may never know real friendship or love, they are to be pitied.
I think it’s great, these are honesty images, it shows what these people are really like, and I for one am happy they will not be getting high quality jobs, it keeps the garbage where it belongs.
Stop making excuses for people who make bad choices it is after all, THEIR choice.
Couple the above with the most recent few generations’ total and utter lack of general knowledge and complete lack of interest in news and current events and you have one hell of a future on the way!
@Gary And they want the right to vote at sixteen.
Yes, this behaviour is in fact the exact opposite of mind fullness.
If mind fullness is well proven to provide peace and contentment in human beings then what will narcissism bring this generation?
@Dannielle Agree…mindfulness should be taught at high school.
@Andrew @Dannielle Mindfulness should be taught in the home. By high school it is too late. Perhaps schools should start by making all students wear the correct uniform, without make-up and piercings.
@Andrew @Dannielle Sorry – isn’t this the responsibility of parents???
I think the biggest issue with Facebook and smart phones is that there is often no ‘cooling off’ period – teenagers respond immediately, driven by feelings. The whole things is about the first pass emotional response. Teenagers need encouragement to ‘sleep on it’ and reflect a bit more.
@Roger Ah! I guessed the problem was going to lie with someone else. In this case Facebook and the cooling off period.
to what extent is a generation of day care kids responsible for this? being brought up by strangers probably doesn’t help the empathy gene develop?
For the frontal lobe to develop properly it needs to constantly solve problems and react to difficult situations – creates millions of neural connections and resilience. So early life has to be a little bit tough and a little bit painful for that to occur. And it’s not a bad idea for that to be the case in the first 2 decades. But life isn’t anymore, it’s easy. If you aren’t allowed to crawl into a wall or fall off your bike and suffer that little bit of pain, you don’t learn that it’s not just about you, it’s about the wall and the bike and the balance and the learning experience. And narcissism is about never being wrong. You never learned that things can go wrong. So you’re never wrong.
Small families are the problem. Only-children and little two-child families are unnatural. Children need several siblings to knock their rough edges off, and prevent them becoming indulged.
The Chinese, with their one-child policy, capture it beautifully. “Little Emperors’ and ‘Little Empresses’.
Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”
Socrates
this is a worldwide phenomenon not just here in Australia. and sadly we the older generation raised them.
rod qld
@Rodney and what is more frightening is they will in turn raise the next generation or as the trend shows, you will be raising their children because it will be too hard for them.
I often disagree with many of Ruth’s opinion pieces but on this one I concur. What I also find troubling about all of this is the lack of ability for those addicted to the social media merry-go-round to spend time in quiet solitude giving the senses and mind some rest. Regular time out from the world is essential to physical, emotional, spiritual (if relevant) and mental health and the ability to be alone and happy with your own company for a while is critical on a whole range of levels.
I was unfortunate enough to witness the manifestation of this on JJJ the other day. When callers asked the presenter how she was going as a casual greeting she felt compelled to answer “super awesome” or “super well” , I found it somewhat nauseating and disturbing especially as she said on introducing Dr. Karl, ” I believe in science” which he thankfully rebuked as a contradiction and explained why. I’m not sure she in destroy but the point is that if unchecked, you’re right Ruth this whole phenomenon will be the end of us. The enemy within.
Recently I saw a mid-teen girl wandering around our local Woolworths store, and holding not one but two phones – one in each hand and staring at them both so intently that she bumped into an elderly lady. No apologies, and didn’t ever look up from her phones. She certainly wasn’t there to shop, but shortly thereafter I did see her with an older person, possibly her mother, and still staring at both phones. When I caught the older persons eye, we both shook or heads in disapproval. But then she might have been awaiting a call from an employment agency. I think not.
A few years ago, my husband’s son and family moved in with us due to overspending on their part. It was the worst year in my life, the adults were uncompromising, very demanding and bullies, not only to us, but their children as well, even after I showed that compromise worked better than beatings their children. Their two children after realising that I don’t tolerate tantrums showed they were far more mature than their parents, whereas the parents would not. The parents narcissistic behaviour ruined my relationship with them, I realised after that traumatic experience, we (the nation) has a problem now and in the future. The only way things will change is if we have a major catastrophe, that might bring people together, like it did in England during the second world war.
Manners are dying out and crime rates will continue to rise because children are not taught decency in a thorough way. As the article points out, the distrubing thing is that even “the good kids” don’t seem to know better. They will stand there and try to talk with you while they have earphones in their ears. “Don’t worry”, they say, “I turned the music down so I can hear you”. As for Facebook, that thing is a stinking sewer for people under 25. So much sex and bad language.
A good article Ruth. I have 7 grandchildren, 6 girls and a boy, all teenagers. Some of them are obsessed with their phones, and taking selfies. I hope they don’t become desensitised?
A Canadian longitudinal study conducted since 1984 also found an alarming and harmful increase in narcissism. One of the causes was cited as the belief that all children had to have their self-esteem boosted to stratospheric levels. Children are told they are all “special” and “deserve” this and that and the phrase “i love you” a constant mantra.
At schools, children are never allowed to fail, and are protected from competition. Increasingly, there is a lack of empathy and a belief in one’s own rights, without a thought for the rights of others or the good of the whole community.
@Kath W Are you suggesting that I stop telling my four year old son I LOVE YOU at every opportunity I see fit ? How about my my new baby girl, should she not hear those words ?
I have heard the phrase “I wish I’d told them I loved them more” far too often in my life and it will not be a crime I will be guilty of.
@Adrian @Kath W Talk about taking things out of context. This is another problem we face today, people who take offence when none was intended.
@Adrian @Kath W No, of course not. However, the mantra of “I love you” is in danger of becoming a meaningless phrase as it is used constantly and sometimes wthout thought – much like the phrase “Have a nice day” which is now used as a habit rather than any genuine thought.
@Adrian @Kath W May I make a guess as to which generation you belong to? It shouldn’t be too hard to work out.
I was with you until the punchline – if your real concern is that your children won’t look after you when you get old you needn’t worry. A generation of narcissists will probably build fantastic aged care facilities so they can get on with living their own lives…
@Owen Yes, I worked in Age Care and believe me, the kids would organise their parents in these institutions and promptly forget about them until will time. I am very concerned about my future as I know how easy it is to force old people into an Aged facility.
@Robyne @Owen ‘Elder’ abuse is not an unknown phenomenone. Probably being put in an Aged facility can be a blessing in disguise for some ederly people. Doesn’t necessarily follow that the alternative – having aged parents live with you or leaving them to ‘moulder’ in their own homes is a good outcome. In fact the closer they get to dying – and inheritance gets closer and closer on the horizon – the harmfull, demeaning, bullying by some (and I am stressing that word – some-) adult offspring is horrifying.
Ms Ostrow has the ability to extract some deep and meaningful spiritual message out of going to a corner shop for some bread and milk.
Seven billion souls on the planet and some people want to put them all in neat and tidy category boxes.
Enough already.
Small families are the problem. Only-children and little two-child families are unnatural. Children need several siblings to knock their rough edges off, and prevent them becoming indulged.
The Chinese, with their one-child policy, capture it beautifully. “Little Emperors’ and ‘Little Empresses’.
@James Dear Sir, it is my opinion that you should not be the judge of how I structure my family and resent the idea you are floating.
Maybe a more appropriate view could be ” it takes a whole village to raise a child “.
This would have the same affect without the level of scrutiny put on those whom choose not to create a herd.
@Adrian @James We don’t have villages anymore, only smart phones.
Ruth is right. Have you ever tried to have a conversation with a young person? They always have one hand and one eye on their mobile phone, waiting for the next round of applause for their latest contribution to Facebook, Instagram, etc. Their rudeness does not register with them. They are, after all, more interested in their real life in their mobile phoneworld.
Exactly @Barry
@Barry. I had to laugh Barry, so true.
… and your parents from the 30’s would be shocked at your woman’s day pop psychology. god baby boomers give me the poops.
The Defence rests…..
Daniel, I wonder if you are a parent yet. This article which appears to be well written and researched by Ruth is quite disturbing. You may not know that there is a growing body of evidence that this generation of young people are losing their ability to communicate with others due to the use of their smart phones which only serve to keep them at arms length from their peers.
I’m not at all convinced the brain is fully formed at 23; as far as I know, I’ve been increasing in empathy and insight all of my 60 years. My own observation is that social media may be causing delayed maturity in the youth of today, but I don’t see any evidence youthful self-absorption and narcissism are persisting to any great age. Most kids of today are good at heart.