Investing in love

There’s something about the marital bed that is not conducive to great sex. In fact, the whole house is a dampener when it comes to libido for many couples. When I ran Triple M’s Sex Show many moons ago, I heard from callers time and again that after a day of work, kids, and duties, let’s go to bed meant “Let’s go to bed”.

“Change rooms,” I joked on air. “Try the kitchen table, bench, spice it up, what about the couch, the balcony? Be naughty, be wild.” At the time I had a baby, who stayed happily in her room gurgling away. But the minute she started toddling, I got the picture. Bye bye privacy. Furthermore, the house — our once erotic “playground” — became a giant playpen strewn with clothes, toys and towels forever more. Fact: domestic chaos and erotic bliss are not good bed partners.

Meanwhile, I was learning that the happiest of my married callers were those who refused to let their sex lives suffocate and were ready to put real time and effort into keeping things hot ’n’ spicy — even after 20 or 30 years. They would tell us their secrets of success: sharing sexual fantasies; going off to erotic clubs; experimenting. The one that worked best for me was simple.

“Leave the house for sex as often as possible,” offered one male caller. “Drop the kids at mum’s, pack the lingerie, and go for a weekend or overnighter when you can. If you haven’t got money go camping, do a house swap with a couple you know who are in the same predicament. A change is as good as a holiday.”

He said he and his wife took a cheap hotel room once a month as if they were having an affair, close to cafes and street life.

I found the getaway worked like a charm for me, and despite us being skimped at the time, my then-husband described it as “investing” in our relationship.

My current partner and I have carried on the tradition. We recently spent a sexy weekend at the ritzy Rialto in Melbourne for his birthday. Hotels often make a special effort if you tell them you’re there for romance — and we were given chocolates, strawberries and a bottle of Champagne as a gift.

In contrast, our last anniversary was spent at a cheap-n-cheerful rental house on the coast. But it was equally as much fun.

Yes, it’s indulgent, but we all choose what we are going to spend our disposable income on. To us, our sex life is more important than more clothes, a new kitchen, jewellery or flat-screen television. “Investing in love” cuts down on expensive divorces and increases happiness, health and vitality. The dividends are excellent. Twitter @OstrowRuth

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