Sex surrogacy

We should respect those who help with sexual problems not condemn them.

I’VE known several sex surrogates and have admired them all, which is why I was so surprised recently to hear that a Melbourne sex therapist had called them glorified prostitutes and called for an end to the practice.

Surrogates are women or men who get paid to provide what crooner Marvin Gaye pined for — ‘‘sexual healing’’. The practice is sex therapy with a touch more, as advocated by sexuality pioneers Masters and Johnson in the 1960s. It’s used in conjunction with traditional therapies to provide help for erectile dysfunctions such as impotence and premature ejaculation, intimacy issues and marriage problems.

Sex surrogacy has a reported 95 per cent success rate in Australia, according to a study presented to the World Congress on Sexual Health in 2007.

Two male acquaintances have worked as surrogates. One was engaged in helping abused women to let go and release. Being involved in other forms of healing such as yoga, acupuncture and massage, he considered it a natural extension of his craft. He was in a happy, long-term relationship at the time.

The other man discreetly catered to the disabled female population. This started from a social encounter he had with a concerned mother whose 38-year- old daughter was living in an institution for the disabled. The mother explained her sadness for her child, who had normal physical needs. She offered to pay him to be an escort, taking her daughter out on a date.

The man did this, and later chose of his own accord to have sex with the woman. And the relationship continued successfully in this vein, to the benefit of all. Which inspired him to go on and develop a clientele.

A woman surrogate I knew worked in Manhattan and lived next door me. She was a qualified psychologist who’d had years of straight practice as a sex counsellor. ‘‘It just wasn’t enough for the clients,’’ she told me over coffee. ‘‘It’s like trying to teach someone to cook without going into the kitchen with them. Sex therapy can’t be theoretical.’’

I used to watch a wide variety of men and couples turn up at her door. After which she’d be off to all the normal psychology conventions and was admired for her work. She said she never got involved, never felt like a prostitute, just liked helping ‘‘in practical ways’’.

I do think surrogates need to have some basic training in therapy in order to better protect clients and give the industry the credibility it seeks. A governing body for surrogates would also be helpful, one that required members to have references from known sex therapists, counsellors or doctors.
But with some fine tuning, surrogacy as an industry deserves to be given much respect.

Full story The Australian

What’s your opinion? Please comment below


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10 Responses to Sex surrogacy

  1. anita 22 April 2013 at 6:27 pm #

    I think sex surrogates are doing a very fine job and they should be lauded and appreciated.

  2. Sharon Simons 8 March 2012 at 8:36 am #

    I did not use surrogacy but I tried IVF to become a Mom but losdt my twins. Then my journey led me towards adoption and I am now the proud mother to two twin boys from Russia. Every Mom has a Journey towards becoming a Mom at Last. If that journey took you through Surrogacy, Adoption, or In-Vitro Fertilization, Mom at Last is the place to find information, success stories, & inspirational quotes. Visit our Mom Community today at Every Mom has a Journey…so let’s connect & celebrate it!

  3. amateur 26 February 2012 at 10:00 pm #

    Surrogates are women or men who get paid to provide what crooner Marvin Gaye pined for — ‘‘sexual healing’’. Its very helpful for me.

  4. Ruth Ostrow 9 December 2011 at 10:14 pm #

    What a wonderful positive attitude you have in being so open about your predicaments and needs. I liked your blogsite also. Please write and let me know if you find someone you think is worth recommending for others in your position. I don’t think it matters if one is gay or not, it is always wonderful to be touched by another human being regardless of their gender, when one is sick with cancer or recovering. Best of luck!

  5. sabe 9 December 2011 at 11:47 am #

    Hi, thank you very much for the article about the practice of Sex Surrogacy. I am recovering from Breast Cancer treatment and it is very usual for this treatment to knock out libido and skin sensitivity. Consequently my sex life has reduced from being fantastic and satisfying to a painful reminder of my greatly reduced capabilities. I suffer from cramping, dryness, highly sensitive skin, loss of body image, loss of hair, disorientation, lymphodemia, loss of energy and any estrogen hormones are entirely supressed in my body. ANY support from those qualified and interested in supporting post Breast Cancer treatment women would be a wonderful contribution. Depression can beset one out of two patients after BC treatment; a loss of one’s sexual contact and pleasure is a very hard thing to bear. I am open to ANY help and trust myself and others to guage if it is helpful (so butt out those who criticise the value of it). So I am supportive of Sex Surrogacy and will try to find a practiioner who has integrity and something to offer. I am a gay woman and treasure sex as much as I do all other pleasures in life. “Thanks again Ruth”

  6. Ruth Ostrow 4 December 2011 at 6:00 pm #

    What a brilliant show it was. Thanks Lilian for bringing it to our attention!

  7. harry martin 29 November 2011 at 2:25 pm #

    Good afternoon Ruth, given that I still haven’t come to terms with you being stuck out or lost where youin the weekend paper then you would expect that while I can understand the concern for the patient or client, I find it hard to imagine how the partner or spouse of an activist `therapist’ would deal with this.
    Being a very narrow minded, selfish person I cannot imagine coming to terms with such a relationship.

  8. lilian 27 November 2011 at 10:24 pm #

    I agree with Lucy, I feel so strongly that people with diabilities, whether mental or physical need to have some sexual relief and comfort. These women or men deserve a medal for helping them. there is a show on fri night 2nd dec, The Scarlet road—A Sex workers journey, at 10.05 pm. It is a serious doco and not made to sensationalise the subject. Hope many of your fans, Ruth, watch it.

  9. Tony Alexander 26 November 2011 at 7:13 am #

    It appears that the Melbourne sex therapist you refer to is really just a talk therapist.

  10. Lucy 26 November 2011 at 5:09 am #

    My heart absolutely goes out to the disabled who are unable to enjoy the physical aspects of a sexual relationship the rest of us take for granted. Whatever can be done to help these people I would applaud, as long as its done caringly and discreetly. Being disabled, yet physically capable of sex, surely must be one of life’s great cruelties. More power to those who are able to help, but this needs to be properly co-ordinated so that abuse doesn’t take place.

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