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Tag Archives | psychology

Depression at Work

By on 2 December 2011 in All Posts, Weekend Magazine Columns

Depression at work is becoming an epidemic around the world.

IT’s interesting that while people who haven’t got jobs or have been recently laid off tend to despair, actually having a job doesn’t ensure happiness.

A global study reported in The Wall Street Journal claims that almost a quarter of the global workforce is depressed. Apparently, 92 per cent of people surveyed linked the state of their mental health to job performance and only 12 per cent claimed to be optimistic on the work front. The respondents came from a variety of industries, but mainly in the financial and professional areas.

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How to deal with suffering

By on 12 November 2011 in All Posts, Weekend Magazine Columns

It’s hard to stomach world suffering

IT’S been a horrible few weeks in the world, and a hard time for sensitive people. The daily news has been so distressing and appalling that if I were not a journalist, I wouldn’t turn on or read the news.

As it is, I can’t read the papers over breakfast, or watch television news over dinner, as what I see often makes my stomach turn and I can’t digest my food.

Last week there were two or three stories that had me feeling ill and powerless, but I soldiered on, feeling dreadful: children hit by cars, abused, murdered, starving; the massacring of animals; revelations of torture. But something snapped one morning after one particular story: I was in the bathroom putting on make-up, then I was suddenly crouched on the floor, crying. My partner tried to comfort me but I said this to him, and I am saying it now.

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Lying

By on 21 October 2011 in All Posts, Weekend Magazine Columns

There’s been a lot of admissions of lying in the paper these past week. Is it ever OK to lie?

Olympic swimmer Kenrick Monk, recently broke down crying and admitted he invented a story about being hit by a P-plate driver as he rode his bike to training. Monk, who is 23, faced the media to confess to having made up the elaborate hit-and-run story to hide the fact he hurt himself when he fell from his skateboard.

‘‘I didn’t know what to do. I panicked, I freaked,’’ he said, tearfully explaining that he couldn’t tell the truth because he’d fallen off ‘‘something that a 10-year- old can ride’’. With the Olympic trials coming up in March, he had been too embarrassed to admit he suffered two broken bones in his elbow from such a stupid and irresponsible accident.

‘‘I lied,’’ say the spate of cheating men and women caught with their pants down each week. ‘‘I lied because I was scared, fearful, depressed, anxious, I had a sore tooth, a gammy foot. I lied to save you from having hurt feelings. I lied because it was in my best interests, wasn’t it, and if I didn’t you would have been angry at me. I lied and I will lie again. Everyone does it all the time, so why not me?’’ Continue Reading →

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Coping with loss

By on 9 September 2011 in All Posts, Weekend Magazine Columns

HOW do we cope with the untimely deaths of close friends? How do we find meaning in grief?

I was overwhelmed with this question recently when I found my old address book and realised that so many friends were no longer around. I was reminded of all the women and men I’ve loved who died so young, leaving young kids or bereaved parents behind: three of cancer, one of Motor Neuron disease, one of a heart attack, two in car accidents, one by suicide.

And I wondered how other people deal with the grief from all the losses we’ve suffered and the impending losses we know are yet to come? Continue Reading →

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The Power of Belief

By on 2 September 2011 in All Posts, Weekend Magazine Columns

When someone believes something about you, good or bad, you’ll always end up proving them right!

I RECENTLY met up with a group of people I’d known years ago. We all got a little tipsy and even though much time had elapsed since we’d seen each other, they felt comfortable enough to chide me. ‘‘Yes, but you’re the type of person who…” ‘‘Tell Ruth that story, she loves that sort of thing . . . Ruth’s a party girl…’’

I found it all very odd at first since I wasn’t quite sure what they meant. And then I worked it out. They were talking about a Ruth they knew a decade ago. And although so much had changed over 10 years, they were guilty of what so many of us are guilty of: primacy error.

Primacy error is an irrational process where the brain remembers its first impressions of a person’s traits and gets locked into its original opinion. Examples of primacy error are: ‘‘Jenny is mean with money’’; ‘‘Simon isn’t that bright’’; ‘‘It’s always grey and cold in Melbourne’’. The error doesn’t make rational sense. Jenny may well have been mean at one stage, but may have been short of money at the time, and is now comfortable. Simon may have had depression at the time he was judged. He then went on to invent the internet. Melbourne can have lovely days too. Continue Reading →

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Jealousy

By on 26 August 2011 in All Posts, Weekend Magazine Columns

Envy is our best friends. It can tell us what we really want under all that resentment, so we can go get it

SEVERAL years ago, I noticed I was feeling very unfavourable towards a certain friend.

Every time I talked to her, I felt out of sorts. I began noticing things I didn’t like and avoided talking to her.

Because I like to self-reflect, I gave the matter some thought. Why was I suddenly pulling away from someone I dearly loved? And it came to me. Jealousy.

Rather than let the friendship go, I decided to list all the things that were making me feel jealous of her. And only one came up.

Although she is gorgeous and very talented, my red light was that she travelled a lot for work. Just back from London, just off to Paris, just back from Vietnam, just off to America. I wanted to slap dat bi-atch down.

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Global Irrelevance Crisis

By on 19 August 2011 in All Posts, Weekend Magazine Columns

A NEW phenomenon has struck the world. We’re going through what I’ve decided to call a GIC — a Global Irrelevance Crisis — and therapists I’ve interviewed agree.

The GIC is the new 1970s identity crisis; or the midlife crisis of the 80s. Most people I talk to are experiencing a sense that they are irrelevant — that they are invisible, unseen and forgotten. In the old identity crisis, people lay about in encounter groups sobbing because they didn’t know who they were. In the 2010s we know who and what we are. We just suspect it isn’t relevant. Or if it is, it won’t be for long in this ever-changing world where standing still is going backwards.

Having been a social observer for decades, I can say that while people have always felt unsung it’s never been this bad. Technological advances are making many feel things are whizzing by too fast for them to make a mark. We’re all replaceable. A brilliant web designer I know who works at $150 an hour is now competing for work with 18-year-olds in India who charge $20 an hour. “Cheaper, net savvier, younger!” is the catchcry and people fear for their jobs, or products. Even retailers and book publishers have become irrelevant in the cyber world, where convenience is king. Continue Reading →

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Nothing to Fear

By on 13 August 2011 in All Posts, Weekend Magazine Columns

Buddhists say there are only real two emotional states, Love and Fear. And that all other emotions stems from them. Which one governs you?

A WONDERFUL tale. A dear friend of mine was very worried because life was about to change in ways that were beyond his control.

The house he was renting was unexpectedly put on the market. Given his lease had expired and he was on a month-by-month arrangement, there was no stopping the wheels of change. The agent informed him that he had a couple of months to move out.

Not so easy. The house was a very basic home in an outer suburb, dark and hard to heat. But it had one major plus. The owners allowed dogs and the garden was large enough for two rather feisty ones. So he stayed and stayed. The news couldn’t have come at a worse time. With an ailing sister, and the necessity to spend several months interstate imminent, he was shaken. “No one will take me with two dogs; I will never find anywhere in a couple of weeks.” Continue Reading →

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Is common courtesy dead?

By on 5 August 2011 in All Posts, Weekend Magazine Columns

Have manners died in the era of social media when it’s so easy to ignore emails or texts? And what about common courtesy in general? I was in the movies last night and some dude was munching lollies and crackling paper all night during a sad (great) movie The Tree of Life while the woman in front was texting – the light going in my eyes. Road rudeness is everywhere. But “email and text neglect” is the worst.

It’s so rare to get a return email from some people that you figure there is something wrong with your inbox. Maybe you’ve turned on spam by mistake? Nope! It’s just bad behaviour that’s all! And lack of respect. There is always the plea:

“I never got your text” or “My email was down for the past few days,”

Which is the “cheque’s in the mail” of our decade. After all, who could argue with the precarious nature of electronic media? The worst display of rudeness comes from those who take calls and texts while you’re with them at dinner or coffee. Read the full story in the Weekend Australian.

And share your views here on rudeness and what cheeses you off.

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Equal Rights for Men?

By on 29 July 2011 in All Posts, Weekend Magazine Columns

According to research men would rather say they were unemployed than the primary child carer.

NOTHING has really changed for men. In the ’90s I did a stint promoting male issues and the fact that men wanted to be more involved in child-rearing and home making, thus enabling women to be more available for their careers.

As the daughter of an absent father, I lobbied that it was nourishing for both children and fathers if dads took the domestic reigns for a while. Women agreed, but at the same time still expected their men to be the major breadwinners. Men were deeply confused.

And it hasn’t changed. According to University of Western Sydney researcher Deborah Wilmore, men passionately want to be involved in childrearing but are often embarrassed to admit their role because they still get stigmatised by women and other men.

 

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