Tag Archives | Love

Deal Breakers in Love

By Ruth Ostrow on 11 November 2012 in All Posts, Weekend Magazine Columns

AN acquaintance recently discovered her long-time partner had gone back to smoking and she left him. For many people, that would seem extreme, given seven good years together. But for her it was part of an unspoken system in relationships that I have dubbed EDB: emotional deal breakers.

As with business contracts, it’s the non-negotiable clause. We all nurse a secret rule or set of rules that if broken are not forgivable, and breaking them is considered a breach of verbal or non-verbal contract. Continue Reading →

Hope Springs for Sex

By Ruth Ostrow on 9 September 2012 in All Posts, Weekend Magazine Columns

Despite rumours that everyone is bonking like rabbits, the truth of what goes on behind closed doors in relationships is rather sobering.

HOPE Springs, the new movie about a married couple who have lost that lovin’ feeling, has struck a chord not just with baby boomers and those married a long time, but with people in all sorts of unions — gay, straight, older, younger.

The reason is despite rumours that everyone is bonking like rabbits, the truth of what goes on behind closed doors in relationships is rather sobering. Continue Reading →

Compatibility

By Ruth Ostrow on 10 March 2012 in All Posts, Relationships, Weekend Magazine Columns

Are there really failed marriages and relationships or do we just change?

I met an interesting man while travelling in Africa. We stayed at his hotel on a remote island in Mozambique. It had been his dream to run a resort. His great passion is the sea. Before he built his hotel he did many jobs in different industries but would always retreat to the ocean in the evenings and on weekends, fishing for endless hours, scuba diving, and snorkelling.

One night over drinks he talked to me about his “failed” marriage. He said he was still grieving the loss of his wife and regular contact with the children. But he told me something that surprised me. “The problem was that she hated the sea. She wouldn’t even walk on a beach. She hated sand … We always fought about it.”

Strangely on the same trip I met a woman whose passion was surfing. Similarly, she had spent many years with a bookish intellectual who couldn’t understand her need to get up every morning and drive to the surf; accusing her of not loving him enough to stay in bed. Continue Reading →

Writings on Sex & Relatonships

By Ruth Ostrow on 2 October 2011 in All Posts, Writings on Sexuality

Burning Up Click HERE The Sex Archives or the Menu Panel for all my writings on sexuality

Coping with loss

By Ruth Ostrow on 9 September 2011 in All Posts, Weekend Magazine Columns

HOW do we cope with the untimely deaths of close friends? How do we find meaning in grief?

I was overwhelmed with this question recently when I found my old address book and realised that so many friends were no longer around. I was reminded of all the women and men I’ve loved who died so young, leaving young kids or bereaved parents behind: three of cancer, one of Motor Neuron disease, one of a heart attack, two in car accidents, one by suicide.

And I wondered how other people deal with the grief from all the losses we’ve suffered and the impending losses we know are yet to come? Continue Reading →

Jealousy

By Ruth Ostrow on 26 August 2011 in All Posts, Weekend Magazine Columns

Envy is our best friends. It can tell us what we really want under all that resentment, so we can go get it

SEVERAL years ago, I noticed I was feeling very unfavourable towards a certain friend.

Every time I talked to her, I felt out of sorts. I began noticing things I didn’t like and avoided talking to her.

Because I like to self-reflect, I gave the matter some thought. Why was I suddenly pulling away from someone I dearly loved? And it came to me. Jealousy.

Rather than let the friendship go, I decided to list all the things that were making me feel jealous of her. And only one came up.

Although she is gorgeous and very talented, my red light was that she travelled a lot for work. Just back from London, just off to Paris, just back from Vietnam, just off to America. I wanted to slap dat bi-atch down.

Continue Reading →

Nothing to Fear

By Ruth Ostrow on 13 August 2011 in All Posts, Weekend Magazine Columns

Buddhists say there are only real two emotional states, Love and Fear. And that all other emotions stems from them. Which one governs you?

A WONDERFUL tale. A dear friend of mine was very worried because life was about to change in ways that were beyond his control.

The house he was renting was unexpectedly put on the market. Given his lease had expired and he was on a month-by-month arrangement, there was no stopping the wheels of change. The agent informed him that he had a couple of months to move out.

Not so easy. The house was a very basic home in an outer suburb, dark and hard to heat. But it had one major plus. The owners allowed dogs and the garden was large enough for two rather feisty ones. So he stayed and stayed. The news couldn’t have come at a worse time. With an ailing sister, and the necessity to spend several months interstate imminent, he was shaken. “No one will take me with two dogs; I will never find anywhere in a couple of weeks.” Continue Reading →

Friendships have a use-by date

By Ruth Ostrow on 15 July 2011 in All Posts, Weekend Magazine Columns

How it is that some relationships stand the test of time and others just don’t?

I RAN into an old friend the other day. It was a chance meeting. I consider this woman one of my true soul mates; someone I’ve shared so much with during the early days of my career. We have a similar sense of irony and humour, and see life through the same eyes.

We lost touch. The last time I had dinner with her was maybe two years ago. And yet the moment we sat down there was the same familiarity and comfort as if no years had gone by at all. We did the “OMG, what have you been doing?” thing for a while, and then reverted straight to the observations, laughter and social commentary that marked our friendship. I knew we would be friends to our death. Continue Reading →

Intuitive Animals

By Ruth Ostrow on 25 May 2011 in All Posts, Animal Welfare

I once witnessed the loyalty of a dog who sensed his Master was soon to die, and sat at the foot of the bed whimpering for days before an operation. The dog never left the spot by the bed until he was dragged away.

The story I have talked about is one that is dear to my heart. The man going to have the operation was my father and the dog was our loyal family pet Pipi who lived with my father and adored him. For a few days Pipi cried before my father went into hospital. Dad, sadly, never returned. And somehow his dog knew what none of us would have dared to face. Continue Reading →

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